What Scares Me? Not Being In The Room.
The thing you are most scared to do, is the thing that will serve others the most. Starting my own podcast was my thing. The thought of sharing my downloads and what's on my mind in the most raw possible way TERRIFIED me.
Though I am comfortable with speaking in front of large audiences, for me there was something terrifying about not being in the room when the podcast episodes were being heard by different people.
Not being in the room meant there was no introduction by an MC to hype you up for what I had to share. Not being in the room meant that there is no set agenda of what outcomes I need to deliver on as a speaker. Not being in the room meant that there was no realtime feedback to help me with decisions of how to connect better with my audience in the next line I was about to deliver. Not being in the room meant that there were simply no rules in this new environment I was in.
Don't you just hate it when there are no rules? No map for you to follow in uncharted territory?
It's almost like being a seasoned actress in Broadway theater shows and leaving that platform to embrace shooting a movie. It's just not the same experience. For me, the experience of recording each episode over the past two months has been a real challenge in every way you can imagine! Some episodes were recorded in the back of an Uber on my way to the airport. Some episodes were not recorded in the time I had scheduled to do them because I would sit ready to record and there would simply be nothing for me to say at the time. Only to wake up abruptly from my sleep at 2AM with a download of a message that simply had to make it's way into the world and I had to play my role as a messenger, get up, write my notes and record.
Did I think I was going crazy? Absolutely. Some of the questions that showed up to wreste with me over the past two months went a bit like this:
"Is anyone even going to listen to this?"
"Okay but is this really that deep for them?"
"Will this even make sense and offer clarity of mind on how to navigate life?"
"Will it mean something for them and not be just another podcast?"
I had no answers to these questions and the only way to find out was to record. Once I had hit the "publish episode" button, I would jump at the opportunity of doing anything just to distract myself from thinking about the terrible thing I had just done: exposing the world to the episode I had just recorded.
And then, a few hours later I'd see 10 people had listened and before I knew it, 100 normal people decided to actually listen! And all those questions that had come to wrestle with me, were each knocked out by a resounding YES!
YES, that episode really was that deep for them...it actually meant something!
It turns out, not being in the room was not the burden that I thought it was but in fact a blessing for all of us. With 3K streams in 2 months, countless emails and DMs about what how the podcast has offered many of you a perspective...I am overwhelmed still trying to respond to all of you who have written to me. I am filled with so much gratitude to each of you for showing up, for listening and giving this podcast meaning.
I've learned that the miracle of creating art resides in uncomfortable spaces that terrify us. To be able to create something from the soul that touches others even without one's presence is truly a gift.
A gift that each of you has offered by simply listening in every week.
Here's to more meaningful episodes and to doing the work. Because we know the world really needs it.
P.S I took a step back over the past two weeks to reflect and find better ways to serve you. I'm happy to say that there are a lot of changes you will see on the podcast page of this site and these changes were made with you in mind. If you have any suggestions of what you'd like see drop me a note in the comments.